A Companion Always Wants to Talk On Her Own Life: Is It Time to Cut Her Off?

I have been friends with a woman, who has overcome numerous challenges, which I admire. However, she has been constantly taken by surprise in relationships. Her spouse ended their marriage, and it was an unexpected event. Many of her friends disappeared during that time, because they seemed focused solely on him. This surprised her deeply. She made increased attention in our friendship, likely understood more clearly the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, many close to her vanished leaving her sure why. Her last employer turned on her, although she had been an excellent employee, and she left without knowing what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Lately, both of us stepped back from work so we're spending each other more, but I am finding my position between us feels one-sided. I introduce topics of conversation but she shifts conversation onto things she cares about. Regarding political views, she expresses unyielding views. I attempt to suggest factchecking and alternate views.

She is arranging a vacation abroad I have traveled to repeatedly and resided in for some time. I tried to offer advice, however, my input unappreciated. She purely only wanted validation of her plans. I've just returned from 30 days there she is eager to meet, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate to act as a friend that walks away without a word, however, I feel she'll truly grasp the effect of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Right now, I find myself in pulling back. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

You could end things abruptly, however, that approach is seldom the easy answer we hope for. But confrontation with the goal of resolution takes courage and openness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step is to state how things go when you talk. Aim for this to be based on facts and essentially an unbiased account. The second is to tell her how it leaves you feeling. There should be no argument here. Your feelings belong to you, of course. Finally is to question how the two of you will alter the pattern in your relationship."

Keep in mind she too has a point of view, meaning you must to be prepared to listen to her. A helpful technique is to say her:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to not say anything for a set time."

Key Takeaways

Your friend may dismiss everything, since certain individuals cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative regarding their experiences they won't release because their very survival depends upon it and it's all familiar to them. This is difficult as there is no thoroughfare here, mere obstacles. However, she might start out defensively then consider about what you've said. And should you don't achieve an agreement, it provides peace from having been open and direct.